Finding your Window of Tolerance

We all have an internal range where life feels manageable, where we can think clearly, stay connected, and respond rather than react. In trauma therapy, we call this our window of tolerance.

When we’re inside our window, we can handle everyday stresses and emotions without feeling flooded or numb. But when stress, trauma, or sensory overload push us outside that window, we move into states of hyperarousal (anxious, restless, on edge) or hypoarousal (shut down, flat, disconnected).

When You’re Pushed Outside the Window

It doesn’t take something dramatic to knock us out of our window of tolerance. For many people, it’s small but repeated pressures, such as noise, conflict, deadlines, and lack of rest, that slowly stretch the system until it can’t hold up.

In hyperarousal, the body speeds up: the heart races, thoughts spin, and everything feels urgent. In hypoarousal, it slows down, characterised by heavy limbs, foggy thinking, and a sense of collapse or emptiness. Both are survival states, not signs of failure. They’re your body’s way of trying to protect you.

Counselling and Regulation

In counselling, we work to identify where your window of tolerance currently lies and how to gently expand it. This isn’t about forcing yourself to “cope better”; it’s about building safety so your system doesn’t have to keep switching into survival mode.

That might mean learning small grounding tools, noticing early signs of overwhelm, or finding what helps you reconnect with yourself. For some, it’s movement or nature. For others, it’s slowing down and feeling the support of the chair, the ground, or the breath.

Over time, your body begins to trust that it can handle more without shutting down or spinning out. The window gradually widens, not through willpower, but through safety and repetition.

Gentle Awareness, Not Perfection

We all move in and out of our window every day; the goal isn’t to stay regulated all the time. It’s important to notice when we’ve drifted and know how to find our way back.

When you start to recognise your own patterns, you can meet them with curiosity rather than judgement. That’s where change begins, in the small moments when you realise you don’t have to fight your body anymore.