How Childhood Trauma Can Affect Us as Adults

Many people come to therapy wondering why they react so strongly to things that others seem to handle with ease, such as a raised voice, a tone of disapproval, being ignored, or feeling trapped in conflict. Often, these intense responses don’t make sense at first. But they make perfect sense when we look at them through the lens of trauma.

When the Past Lives in the Present

Trauma isn’t just about what happened; it’s about what was left unresolved inside us. When difficult experiences happen in childhood, especially without comfort or understanding, the body learns to adapt to survive.

You might have learnt to stay quiet to avoid being shouted at, to please others to stay safe, or to hide your feelings to keep the peace. These patterns can follow us into adulthood, showing up as anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism, emotional shutdown, or constant self-criticism.

The mind grows up, but the nervous system doesn’t always get the message that the danger has passed. It continually scans for threats, even in seemingly safe situations.

How Trauma Shows Up in Adult Life

• Relationships – You might struggle to trust, fear rejection, or feel you have to earn love by being useful.

• Work and achievement – Overworking can become a way to feel in control or worthy.

• Emotional regulation – You may experience a fluctuation between numbness and overwhelm, struggling to find balance.

• Body and health – Chronic tension, fatigue, or health issues can stem from a system that never fully relaxes.

• Self-perception – A deep-down feeling of “not enough” can linger long after the circumstances that created it.

Healing the Patterns

The good news is that the nervous system can learn new ways of being. Through trauma-informed therapy, we begin by creating safety in the present, helping the body understand that it no longer needs to stay in protection mode.

This may involve recognising triggers, slowing down automatic responses, and learning how to regulate emotions before reacting. Over time, as the body feels safer, the old patterns lose their hold. You start to respond rather than react, and to live from a place of choice rather than survival.

Compassion, Not Blame

Healing isn’t about blaming the past; it’s about understanding it. When you see your reactions as adaptations rather than flaws, you can begin to meet yourself with compassion. The very traits that once kept you safe can be reshaped into strengths: awareness, empathy, intuition, and resilience.

Therapy offers a place to make sense of the old story so it no longer runs your present. You can begin to feel grounded in who you are now, not who you had to be to survive.