Mindfulness: Learning to Be With Yourself, Not Fix Yourself

Mindfulness is often discussed as a way to feel calm, slow down, clear your mind, and relax. But in truth, mindfulness isn’t about feeling better; it’s about being with whatever you feel, with compassion and curiosity.

For many people who’ve lived through trauma or constant stress, sitting still with your thoughts can feel impossible. The mind races, the body fidgets, or a wave of emotion arrives before you even know what’s happening. This doesn’t mean you’re doing mindfulness wrong; it means your system is used to being alert.

What Mindfulness Really Means

At its core, mindfulness is simply awareness of the present moment without judgment. It’s noticing the breath, the sounds around you, or the sensations in your body, not to change them, but to acknowledge them.

When we stop trying to control our experience and start observing it, something softens within us. The body begins to realise it doesn’t have to fight or flee from every feeling. That’s where regulation and safety can begin.

Gentle Mindfulness in Therapy

In my counselling practice, mindfulness is less about formal meditation and more about creating small moments of noticing. That might be feeling your feet on the ground before we start talking, pausing to take a slower breath, or becoming aware of what happens inside you as you speak.

These small check-ins help the nervous system orient to the present, reminding it that the danger is over, and it can be here, now.

Mindfulness Isn’t About Emptying the Mind

Many people say, “I can’t do mindfulness, I can’t stop thinking.” The goal isn’t to stop thoughts; it’s to notice them without getting caught up in their stories. You might think, “There’s worry again,” or “That’s tension in my shoulders,” and simply acknowledge it with kindness.

In this way, mindfulness becomes a gentle act of self-relationship, not striving for calm, but practising care.

Small Ways to Begin

• Take one mindful breath before opening your phone or email.

• Notice one sound around you and one feeling inside you.

• When you eat or walk, slow down just enough to notice what your senses are taking in.

• Speak to yourself the way you would to someone you love.

Over time, these small, mindful moments begin to rewire the nervous system for safety and security. They build the bridge between mind and body, one breath, one noticing at a time.